The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas | 1982

Well, if it isn't the man himself.

Would you care to give me an interview now, Sheriff?

I'm gonna give you 30 seconds, you fancified fart.

Get you and your chorus the hell out of town!

Get those cameras and crap off the street. You're blockin' traffic!

The only traffic we are blockin' is that headed out for the Chicken Ranch.

Right, Sheriff?

Little fat buddy, up to now you got two tickets:

One for paradin' without a licence and the other for insultin' me.

Get that circus out of town, or I'm gonna lock you up so fast...

...your corset's gonna pop!

Oh, yeah?

We're within the law. As a newsman, I have First Amendment protection.

Get this. The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there...

...and what kind of payoff you're acceptin'...

...to protect that notorious house of ill repute.

(crowd gasps)

First thing is, you're standin' in Lanville County...

...which, by my figurin', is about 100 miles west of that stink hole you call Houston.

So I can't see it's any of your business what goes on out here.

Oh, yeah?

Please...

Number two.

You ain't the law around here and I am.

So don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is...

...or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barber pole.

(boy) Get him, Sheriff.

May be mean, but he's ours!

Number three.

No sawed-off little pecker is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live...

...cos I wear the badge in this goddamn county.

So you listen and listen good, you over-padded, televising turd!

If I ever see you or any of those bastards that work for you in my town again...

...I'm gonna knock you so flat you'll have to roll down your socks to shit!

That's tellin' him, Sheriff!

My goodness!

So get outta here, you goddamn wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch!