Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels | 1998

Right, let's sort the buyers from the spyers,

the needy from the greedy

and those who trust me from the ones who don't.

Because if you can't see value here today,

you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting.

You see these goods? You've never seen daylight, moonlight,

Israelites, Fanny by the gaslight.

Take a bag, come on, take a bag. I took a bag home last night -

it cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you.

Anyone like jewellery? Look at that one there.

Hand-made in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney.

It's as long as my arm, I wish it was as long as something else.

Don't think 'cos these boxes are sealed up, they're empty.

The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker.

And by the look of some of you lot here today

I'd make more money with my measuring tape.

Here, one price, ten pound.

Did you say ten pound?

Are you deaf?

That's a bargain. I'll take one.

Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg,

your body will follow. They call it walking.

Do you want one as well darlin'? You do, that's it, they're waking up.

Treat the wife - treat somebody else's wife.

It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught.

Hold on, you want one as well? OK, darlin', show me a bit of life, then.

It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half struck.

My own you'd better buy'em, these are not stolen -

they just haven't been paid for, and we can't...

get them again, they've changed the bloody locks

Here, one for you. No good coming back later when I've sold out.

Nice bit of stuff.

"Too late, too late "

will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by.

If you've got no money on you now,

you'll crying tears as big as October cabbages.

Bacon, cozzers!

So I said I'm on the roam So I need a car