Funny People | 2009

Let's call American Express. You lost your card,

and you don't know what the number of it is.

That's a great one.

Do the old lady.

I lost my card.

Your... Your accent went in and out on you sometimes.

I went southern and then...

American Express. I'm Danille, how may I help you?

I certainly need some assistance.

I'm sorry to call you in such a frenzy,

but I'm very shook up. I got my American Express card stolen.

Okay, can I have your last name, please?

Yes.

What's your last name?

Right.

Okay, can you give me your name so I can look up your account?

Yes. Helen.

What's your last name, please?

Easafawn.

What?

Helen Easafawn.

E-A

S-A-fawn.

Jerry's Famous Deli. This is Cindy. May I help you?

Hi. I have no legs. May I speak to the manager?

Now, if I get a bill and it's something, like, for...

But two times in a row I eat the damn roast beef and I'm...

I can't stop going to the bathroom!

Well, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you.

Ma?

And my son thinks I'm crazy.

Ma, who you calling?

It's Jerry's. And don't tell me not to call them.

Jesus Christ, get off the fucking phone!

Don't talk to me that way!

Get off the fucking phone!

What's going on?

Same thing as the last time.

Did she... What'd she call you about?

The roast beef?

Yes.

All right, she just puked in the kitchen.